Any good trip leaves me feeling like I don’t belong at home anymore – I feel like, what am I even doing here waking up and drinking coffee, swearing at Worldle, and doing these damned weight workouts when I could be out on the banks of the Nile searching for The Picture? This is a feeling I have after every mind-changing trip and, dammit, we have been on a few of those lately. I am at the bursting point and finally want to write about them in a public forum after my self-imposed media semi-blackout.
This latest trip to Egypt was something different though. Something grand, something ancient, something…… unnamable. I’ve been pacing the house for some time wondering how in the hell I would write about this trip. I have twenty plus pages of journal notes and over 2,000 photos, so how do I bring it down to 1,500 words and 12-15 photos? Hell, I have 12-15 good photos from the first half day at the Pyramids – we went in one, for god sakes – crammed ourselves into a little shaft with a shit-ton of sweaty tourists and saw where old Khufu was laid out before the grave robbers got to him. Let me tell you, it smells weird in there, and may the Cosmos help you if you had a medical emergency within. Our guide told us we did the trip up to and out of the burial chamber faster than any of her other clients. Likely because there is never a moment where you aren’t thinking about getting stuck in there or that you have 5.7 million tons of stone over your head or that maybe all this tourist breath is spawning some sort of super mold on the damp walls, walls that have been there for 4,500+ years.
It’s hard to wrap your head around the antiquity of the place, or how close Cairo is to it, or how anyone survives the Kamikaze traffic one needs to go through to get there (lane markers and traffic signals aren’t only ignored, they are actively despised). Our driver Yusef, Jedi-like in his ability to split lanes and avoid road hazards, conveyed us safely during our whole stay in Cairo. Thankfully, our first hotel was right near the Pyramids so we didn’t have too much trauma before we got there, but when you arrive on the site, which is just unbelievably incredible to look at, you realize there are lots of people visiting, mostly school children, and a nearly equal amount of people trying to sell you stuff or get you to ride some sad looking camel or horse cart. It is a bit of a melee, no, it is a full-on melee, a veritable fracas. Some of the places we visited reminded me of that first airport scene in Airplane where Robert Stack’s character is throwing haymakers at Hare Krishnas asking for money. Punching out street vendors wasn’t going to make us any friends, so we made our refusals polite, yet firm, and kept on trucking. Sometimes, being a tall fella with a resting anger face helps in those situations.
Before I go on, it must be said that, the stupid war next door (war is stupid) has drastically decreased the amount of tourists entering Egypt, which was just getting back to normal after the 2011 revolution and recent pandemic. I am here to say emphatically that the country is safe, fully accessible except for the border area near Israel, and ready to welcome you and your family. Go there – take US dollars, and have a life-altering experience.
The Giza Pyramid Complex consists of 9 pyramids as well as numerous tombs, mastabas, cemeteries, the remains of the builders’ quarters, and a big ol’ Sphinx that currently sits about a hundred yards from a combination Pizza Hut and KFC. This Wikipedia map will give you the skinny on the whole layout. The site is enormous, and, as a former archaeologist, it almost makes me want to pick up a shovel in earnest once again…almost. We spent the better part of a day roaming the site and fending off school children who really wanted to take selfies and practice their English with us. That bit was kind of weird, but cute. Egyptian children are allowed to visit all of the ancient sites for free and by god they were taking advantage of that policy. There wasn’t a single site we visited that didn’t have multiple busloads of relatively well-behaved kids swarming about. One of the most endearing things about all of the children is that there were few who were on their phones – they were digging all of the antiquity and enjoying being in the moment.
A trip to the Great Pyramids is not complete until you have seen the Great Sphinx and run the gift shop gauntlet. The Sphinx is weird, it’s big, it has the head of a human which signifies wisdom, it has the body of a lion which signifies strength (like an ancient stone Voltron), and it is fenced off so you can’t walk up to it. I reckon that is because it has been abused by conquerors, tourists and mother nature for about 4,500 years. It was carved out of the bedrock during the reign of the pharaoh Khafre (the big pyramid in the middle is his) and apparently the face carved on it belongs to him, although someone whacked the nose off in a rage of iconoclasm– much statuary from the ancient times was abused in an attempt to spite the gods/kings/queens/religions and I am here to tell you there were some petty folks that came and went from Egypt over the years (looking specifically at you, ancient Romans). The Sphinx used to have a nice pharaonic beard as well but for some reason it’s on view at the British Museum – perhaps it is time to repatriate it, eh?
Once we were done with our viewing of the Sphinx, we threaded our way through the gift stand area. Every major tourist attraction in Egypt has a similar market which sells trinkets and fabrics and t-shirts and incense and “authentic” stuff. We traveled the entire length of the Nile and saw the same hieroglyphic alphabet t-shirt at every shop. Some of the sellers have clever spiels, my favorite was the guy who repeatedly yelled “HELLO, I AM HERE!!” while thrusting his fabrics in our faces. Our guides were good about telling us which stands sold quality goods at reasonable prices, but haggling was always in the cards. I am not a good haggler, nor am I a purchaser of trinkets. My wife and I travel for experiences, they are truly the best things money can buy. However, we did make it home with a scarf, some bracelets, a little scarab beetle statuette, and amazing Egyptian fragrances.
Check back soon for the Nile Cruise portion of our trip. Cruises and being in big tour groups are not our style, but we had a truly amazing time with some great people as we all slowly sailed up the Nile toward Aswan. Seriously, it is as romantic as it sounds – there was an Agatha Christie vibe that couldn’t be denied. Enjoy these last few pics from the pyramids while I get that portion written. Ciao.
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